An assessment of how each partner bids for connection and responds to the other's bids. Where each of you reaches out. How each of you turns. And the daily texture of connection between you.
A bid is an attempt to make a connection — a reaching out. It can be a question, a touch, a glance, a sigh, an offered cup of tea. How we bid, and how we respond to each other's bids, shapes the daily texture of a relationship more than almost anything else.
This assessment has two parts. Quiz A looks at your style of bidding — how you reach out when you need connection. Quiz B looks at how you respond when your partner reaches out to you.
Twenty-eight questions on how clearly, how forcefully, and how trustingly you bid for connection.
Thirty-two questions on how you turn towards, turn away from, or turn against your partner's bids.
This is a shared exercise. Sit together at one device — phone, tablet, or laptop. One of you completes both quizzes, then hands over. Allow about twenty minutes per partner, around forty minutes in total. Be honest rather than ideal — and answer with this partner in mind, especially around moments of conflict or discomfort.
A note on privacy. Your individual answers stay on this device. When you finish, a short summary of your final scores is sent to Neil and Maria at Duo Coaching so they have it ready for your session — but the detail of how you answered each question is not shared.
A note on the research. John Gottman's longitudinal research finds that successful relationships maintain at least a five-to-one ratio of positive (turning-towards) to negative (turning-away or turning-against) responses. This ratio is one of the strongest predictors of relationship stability. The readout at the end will show you where each of you sits in relation to that benchmark.
Two names, so the readout can speak to each of you.
Now we move to the second part — how you respond when your partner reaches out to you. The same scale, the same kind of statements. About fifteen minutes more.
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Now pass the device. The second partner will answer the same sixty questions independently. Don't peek at one another's answers — the comparison is most useful when neither has anchored to the other.
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